Friday, February 10, 2006

sigh i just had to blog la. cuz i am really, really quite very extremely immensely troubled. agh. i dunno i think it's partly the stress. you know the whole "it's a new year and a new start, and you'd better start it off well" kind of sign that my parents are giving me, and personally, i couldn't agree more. here's the troubling part: it's not been the best start. i can't recall a single moment this year that i've felt genuinely glad. i mean when i get to school, i am quite the opposite of a depressed wreck. and it's fun for awhile. but once i get home from a tiring day to face the homework, man, it sucks.
and it's just how i'm feeling now. you know i suddenly gained this huge motivation to be "guai". and i believe im living up to it, currently. i hope this will last. but it's just that i get so immensely worried whenever i get a math sum wrong, or whenever i look at a piece of homework and don't know how to start. it seriously sucks. math and chem and physics and HCL (well actually HCL i can scrape through la) are my main worries now. quite a lot huh? yeah see? and since i gained this fresh motivation to excel, i have been quite hard on myself and the slightest problem makes me really troubled. and feeling troubled sucks. really. but my greatest sorrow is that there is like no one who is truly able to comprehend how i feel. as in. this great worry. i could go insane. xD i am serious.
i doubt there's anyone who has such a huge, stubborn drive to be absolutely perfect (especially in math and science). oh gosh. it is really sucking my energy dry. i have done so much self-practice for partial fractions and modulus functions lor. and there are a few qns that just leave me staring at them for minutes without a useful thought going through my mind. i really, really hate feeling unproductive now. it sucks my happiness dry.
hmmm. and i feel very embarrassed about someone. and yes, that's troubling me quite a lot as well. alright. i think i shall just try to push my troubles aside for now, cuz it's 11:43 and tomorrow's a new day. (a productive one, i hope).
toodles (=. anyone sharing the same problem uh, gimme a call or a sms leh. haha. that would rock. <3 youu all. nights :DD

LOTSALOVEFROMATIREDHEART,
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